national adoption month
November is National Adoption Month, and I love that it falls in the same month as Thanksgiving. While I am grateful that adoption made me a mother every day, this season offers a special moment to pause and sit in that gratitude as we think about all of the things we are most thankful for.
During my first Thanksgiving with Oliver, people kept saying how lucky he was to have us. I remember correcting them and reminding them that we are the lucky ones. My path to motherhood was not easy, and because of that, I carry a sense of responsibility that feels a little different from what biological mothers may experience. I feel a deep commitment not only to Oliver because he is my son, but also to his birthparents for choosing us. They trusted us to love him, guide him, and show up for him every minute of every day. Being trusted in such a profound way is humbling. While motherhood is certainly not without its challenges, I know I will miss every aspect that feels exhausting now.
In the spirit of openness, we’ve always been completely open with Oliver about his adoption. Since he was a little child, we’ve talked about his birthparents and how they chose us. How I didn’t carry him in my tummy but she did so she could keep him safe until he was ready for us.
“The day you’re handed another mother’s child is the day your heart breaks and heals at the exaxt same time.” - Unknown
He can look at their picture in his baby book whenever he wants, and sometimes I catch him flipping through it because he says he likes looking at all the photos. He brings them up from time to time, often in unexpected moments, and we always embrace those conversations. We encourage him to talk about whatever he is thinking or feeling. He is proud to be adopted, and I believe some of that stems from our openness and from having an adoption that is not closed, so we are able to share real information with him. I hope he always feels proud of his story, but I also understand how complex adoption can be. There will likely come a day when he asks harder and more pointed questions, and I am ready to embrace those as well. I want him to know he can always talk about his feelings, even the complicated ones.
I certainly don’t have all of the answers and I’m learning just as much from him as I hope he learns from me. Seeing the world through his eyes and experiencing this journey together is more than I ever could have hoped for.
Today and every day, I am deeply grateful for Oliver and his birthparents for choosing us to parent this extraordinary boy.
Honestly,
Theresa